| Nothing Left |  |
| by Lee Reynoldson |
There is a theory that the two sides of the brain control different types of thinking. The left controls logic, the right creativity.
Between creativity and logic there is nothing.
I'm all right. I'm all right and nothing is left.
My head is broken. On the inside. My brain has gone wrong. Very wrong.
I am not like people on TV, in movies, in books, stories. I do not rave or hallucinate, hear voices, take medication, drool, receive therapy or talk to myself. I will not murder in a frenzy or in a cold and calculating manner. I will not kill or harm myself. I do not live in an institution, I do not live on the streets.
None the less, quietly, so very quietly, I have gone insane.
No one has noticed.
I find that very satisfying.
Still, how could anyone notice nothing? I have gone wrong on the inside, not the outside.
Let me explain.
On Monday mornings I go to work. I take the bus. Not because I cannot drive or do not have a car but because I care about the environment.
I cannot drive and do not have a car.
I work in place of work and do a job of work for which I receive a wage. I work with work colleagues some of whom are friends, some of whom are not, some of whom I do not like, some of whom do not like me, some of whom act as if they like me but actually hate me (these I like the most), and some of whom hate me because I like them.
All of this means nothing, as I do not like people anymore. I have decided to stop that.
It is liberating. Everyone should try it.
At lunch I eat. I am a vegetarian because I care about my health. Not because I secretly believe that meat is in some way connected to some sort of sinister conspiracy.
I do not believe that. Even though I know it to be true, I do not believe it.
Did you know that the word sin is, as we see it in the bible, is derived from a translation of the Greek word hamartia, which means to miss the mark, fall short with an arrow? This gave the original meaning to the word hubris, not arrogance or pride, but a stepping over the bounds causing one to fall short. Because of this you would experience nemesis as was your due.
Sin is derived from the word sinister which pertains to that which is left handed. That which is wrong. This is why I always shake hands with people.
After lunch I return to work.
Nutritional experts believe that carbohydrates can cause an afternoon energy slump. I however know that international communism is responsible for the post lunch slump within the corporate workplace. I know it to be true but do not believe it. The majority of people would find the idea ridiculous because communism has long since had its day. See how clever Stalinists are. The politics of the left. Sinister.
Of course capitalist corporate consumerism is the ultimate success story of communism. We are all willing slaves to the democracy of greed, need, debt, brand names, dreams of celebrity, fame, power, and wealth. It is communism at it's most sublime. We all want the same, we all have the same. What we want and what we have is the same. Nothing.
When I get home on Monday night there is nothing on TV. I watch it until midnight and then go to bed.
I had a dream. This is sometimes a consequence of sleep, but more often than not it is a consequence of idealism.
If I were to describe to you my dreams of sleep, it would be a jumbled parade of startling, shocking and perplexing and often revolting images, but still more palatable than a description of the dream of idealism.
On Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday and Friday I do what I do on Monday.
On Saturday I go shopping. I buy nothing. Nothing is cheap. If people see me struggling home on Saturday afternoon with bags of shopping and ask what I have bought I say “Oh you know, nothing.”
On Sunday I rest because on Monday mornings I go to work.
There is no point to any of this. No denouement. Nothing is resolved. It just goes on, and on, and on until there is nothing left.
I told you I'm not like people on TV, in movies, in books, in stories.
Have I mentioned God yet? Death?
In the end all there is, is Nothing. That's all that's left.
I have nothing left to say.
I have nothing left.
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