From the Desk of the Editor: Reason humans are collectively insane #5,872: Cola |
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Have you ever really thought about the taste of cola? Really thought about what it does when you put it in your mouth, swirl it around, and swallow it? It's sweet, so of course we like it, but we drink it so absentmindedly that we accept the rest of its properties thoughtlessly. Get a cola. Take a drink. Not just a sip — a big, long swallow. The first thing that happens, when you take a drink: it burns. Like a really tolerable version of putting isopropyl alcohol on a scrape. On one of those days when you're really thirsty, and you take three or four consecutive swallows, each one is progressively harder than the last. That's not my main point, though. That's just the first thing you notice. The important thing is what happens after you swallow. There's still cola in your mouth. There's a thin film sticking to your tongue and teeth. It's a very unpleasant sort of sensation, when you think about it. Sort of like the way you feel when you first wake up in the morning and your mouth is sticky and you can't wait to brush your teeth. And the only thing you can do to get rid of it is brush your teeth, or chew some gum, or do the quick momentary fix that most of us do: take another drink, and let the burning sensation make you forget about the sticky one. If you take a drink of water after taking a drink of cola, the inside of your mouth is still sticky with that thin film of cola. You can drink more water, a glassful, and the inside of your mouth still tastes like cola. It makes you want to run your tongue over your teeth and smack your lips and grimace. To get rid of it for a moment, we have another drink. And, if you really think about it, it's not a very good experience. There's a moment where it's sweet, and of course some people have trained themselves to expect and want that burning you get while it's going down your throat. But, trying to be objective, it's pretty terrible. Not that we're likely to stop. There are so many things in our life that are exactly the same way. Coffee, gum, beer. "It's an acquired taste" is way of saying that you have to beat your taste buds into submission before you can stand to have it in your mouth. "Acquired taste" just sounds sophisticated. Now, a change of subject with no real transition: Susurrus: The Literature of Madness is now two issues shy of having been online for two years. This is something I am extremely proud of. Susurrus Press keeps growing, and now we've just started taking submissions for our first anthology, I Am This Meat. This is another thing I am extremely proud of. The way Hollywood keeps producing remakes of old movies and making sequels until they're parodies of parodies of farces, you'd think that the world was running out of ideas. I offer small press fiction in general as proof that the ideas now are better than ever. While I'm not recommending the stories in this issue be made into films, I think they are, once again, some of the best fiction we've ever published. One is also the shortest story we've ever published, weighing in at forty-nine words. We also have artwork by Dorothy Shoes, a review of the internet magazine Cafe Irreal, and a review of Harlan Wilson's new novel, Dr. Identity. I hope you enjoy reading this issue as much as I've enjoyed making it, and I'm looking forward to you and I spending the next few years together. I can recommend an excellent sanitarium that will help cure you of your cola habit. I am fine. How are you? Dear Reader, Rev. Brian Worley
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